The Perfect Secretary

Perhaps Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce will throw me a bone?

2009-12-03T03:40:00.000-08:00

The Perfect Secretary's Wedding Pledge from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

A good secretary is always on the hunt for a good bone. For everyone knows that the best nutrients are contained not in meat but yes you've guessed it you clever little crumpet it's in the bone. My secretarial time at Sterling Cooper has left me well a little mal nourished. For those of you who don't know I've been working there for over a year doing training videos for them. Have a look at my first one: I kept hoping that they would recruit me on their main floor but alas it never happened.
So when I heard of the new agency that was starting up I looked straight down my pencil skirt and saw an opening...I sure do hope Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce aren't closed for my secretarial business

GET READY FOR THEIR FRIDAY BUZZ

2009-10-02T05:34:00.000-07:00

Ladies, It's Friday and you know what that means, all the boys in the office will be starting early on their Martini's and Whiskey's. Needless to say you should be there to pour and fetch ice and make sure they are liquored up to their desired amount. But most importantly you have to be there for the after math. Look at what happened to poor Mr. Draper last week when no one was around to look after him. To avoid such "fender benders" I have created a pledge to serve and protect the men at Sterling Cooper.

I PLEDGE FOR GAYLE KING

2009-09-23T08:52:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting and waiting for 2 secretarial seasons to be called in by upper management to join the team of secretaries on the main floor. With Joan Holloway retiring and Lois Sadler surely getting fired, I thought that there would be room for me on the floor. But instead in waltzes Gayle King, a woman who can't even type, I heard she got the job because she knows a very influential lady called Oprah Winfrey...
Watch Gayle King?s Mad Men Moment Video via OPRAH.COM Online

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I created a pledge for Gayle to help her in her typing struggles. So Dear Gayle please repeat this pledge daily and you'll have the quick brown fox jumping over the fence to the speed of light

I PLEDGE FOR DON DRAPER

2009-09-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

*SPOILER ALERT - "The FOG"
Mr Draper has a busy life and sometimes his wife does not necessarily make it any easier on him. Sometimes the poor man has to deal with his wife's terrible mood swings for 9 months. Thank goodness he did not have to see her hysterical outbursts at the hospital. No man should be privy to the inner dangers of the unstable minds of women.
One must really feel for the poor men, who have to wait around the hospital for hours while the wife is delivering.
It's a good thing Sally's teacher is such a kind woman, I really do feel she will be able to comfort him through his challenging time of having a new born at home.
He deserves an outlet. This pledge will motivate you to help him with his troubles.

GIVING MY TYPEWRITER TIME TO GRIEVE

2009-09-13T12:56:00.000-07:00

If you are wondering why I haven't updated my etiquette tales its because my typewriter was just too upset to type up my etiquette notes after hearing that Don draper lost his father in law. My typewriter was very close to his father in law so its been a difficult week. He's been crying black tears. Its been very messy. But my new pledge will be up soon!

CONTROVERSY OVER A PLEDGE

2009-09-04T10:45:00.000-07:00

Concerned citizens of the United States of America are outraged over a pledge made by some movie stars for a black gentleman.

http://buzz.yahoo.com/buzzlog/92974 (I am afraid you are going to have to cut and paste, sometimes as a woman I'm not quite sure how to operate this blogging business and can't seem to embed the link, sincerest apoogies)

I am not quite sure who he is and have a sneaky suspicion it's really Mr. Sterling kidding around with his blackface.

Blog Entry: 5132539

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I usually post my pledges Sunday night for the beginning of the work week. But since everyone's a chitter chatter over the above pledge I thought I would put mine up early. It seems that parents are in need of something wholesome and inspirational especially for their young girls who will one day if lucky end up working at a prestigious agency like Sterling Cooper.
This one is dedicated to Roger Sterling, as a wedding present from me to him.

SECRETARIAL SINGLEHOOD GETTING YOU DOWN?

2009-08-31T11:59:00.000-07:00

The Sterling Cooper Pledge #3 from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

Your boss is getting hitched as are all the secretary's around you. You are feeling sad, lonely and unmotivated. What do you do? Mope around your Corona typewriter, ogling the telephone wire to see if it will carry your weight? Why of course not! You stand up with your chest out and your chin up and you recite this pledge. It will get you motivated in no time! After all you get him for the entire week, she just gets him late nights and weekends. Best of all you don't need to put up with the baloney and by baloney I mean wife.

OPTIMUM SEDUCTION LOCATION FOR TODAY'S SECRETARY

2009-08-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

Your BelleJolie lipstick is ready for a kissing but is the target really the one you should be aiming for?

A Good secretary must always know her place, and it's definitely not in a bar that serves hamburgers. Nobody likes a greasy minx.

Remember hygiene is of the utmost importance for a secretary so keep your fingers out of the burger bun. You need those little digits for tap tap tapping away on your typewriter.
The optimum place for Secretarial Seduction is always at the office. So go ahead explore just the right spot in his orifice (oh my pardon the typo must get my Sterling Corona typewriter fixed) go to the filing cabinet and open his drawers, make sure you service all the equipment correctly so you can provide him with the optimum secretarial performance that he so deserves, sans ketchup of course.

THE PLEDGE TO HELP YOU STAY NUMBER 2!

2009-08-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Sterling Cooper Pledge #2 from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

You have been working your behind off like nobody's beeswax to show your boss just what a winning little busybee you are. But does he really see the champ in you? Are you looking for constant validation? Does your boss just not recognize what a marvel you are at the office? What ever you do, do not get your panties in a twist, for you might just need them later...

TIPS ON HOW TO GET INTO STERLING COOPER

2009-08-19T19:02:00.000-07:00

You want in but you don't have the key. What should you do? Every aspiring secretary believes they have the administrative chops to be part of the best advertising agency in town. Here is a list of things you can do to help them notice you.

1. Make sure you do indeed have the chops. Take every class you can, from filing papers to typing quickly on your Olivetti. I recommend Katherine Gibbs.

2. Interviews can be tough so make sure you are prepared. Even an excellent secretary can get nervous, It happens to the best of us. I know. It's called stage fright. Do not believe that ridiculous myth that you should picture them naked for you will only be titillated which will only distract you further. So try titillating them instead, that might just do the trick.

3. Think (but not too much) outside the box. You've sent your Curriculum Vitae in repeatedly and cried out to the postman
"Wait a minute Mister Postman, please Mister Postman, look and see If there's a letter in your bag for me. Why's it takin' such a long time for me to hear from that job I wish were mine. There must be some word today from HR on Madison Way.
Please Mister Postman, look and see If there's a letter of recruitment awaiting me.

I've been standin' here waitin' Mister Postman so very patiently. For just a card, or just a letter sayin' that they are ready for me.

So many days you passed me by. See the tears standin' in my eyes. You didn't stop to make me feel better by leavin' me a Sterling Cooper engraved card or letter."

So Chin up and chest out! Nobody likes a cry baby! Go ahead and be a little deviant by catching their attention through other means, I know I am... Laura Schiff, Carrie Audino are you listening? Perhaps I'll get the Postman to deliver the message...

PLEASE DO CALL ME A BIRD, I'M ON TWITTER

2009-08-18T12:28:00.001-07:00

You should always be in the know with up to the minute etiquette updates, so I cordially invite you to follow me on twitter. Unfortunatley The Perfect Secretary was too long of a name so I've had to do the unthinkable and succumb to a horrendous abbreviation, I'm not a fan of nicknames but sometimes you must accept what ever the master wants to call you, so please find me as perfectsec.
What a delightful world it is on twitter. It's even more informative than the operator ladies at Sterling Cooper. You didn't hear it from me but Mr. Lawrence had a meeting at Ogilvy. His secretary clearly can't keep her boy under control, if she could this kind of information would never leak out.
It seems that Ms. Olson is quite discontent with her new secretary and who can blame her she is quite the office chatterbox. Someone needs to cut off her beak. I don't think she has been pledging lately... Have you?

The Perfect Secretary's Oath #1 from theperfectsecretary on Vimeo.

YESTERDAY'S GOINGS ON AT THE OFFICE

2009-08-17T12:00:00.000-07:00

WARNING if you were not at the office yesterday there is some information below that might act as a spoiler for the gossip session awaiting you at the water cooler.

My oh my was I in a flutter over yesterday's goings on at Sterling Cooper.
It was very distressing to see such uncouth emotional outbursts as displayed by Burt. I only shudder to think what our neighbors across the pond must think of us. Especially if Mr. Hooker turns out to be the office chatterbox.
Always stay calm and collected and express your anger with a sweet smile, emotional outbreaks should never under any circumstances be tolerated in the office.
I was also dissapointed with Pete's behavior, even if you feel you have been treated unfairly by promotions at work, you must never let the others in the stenopool know of your jealousy, green is not a pretty color for your face. Try nude instead.
As always Don knows just how to behave, he keeps to his own business, and why shouldn't he, as if he'd be interested in that which shall not be mentioned behavior.
Though he should be careful with bringing home souvenirs of his extra curricular activities. He did of course redeem himself by giving his daughter a kind gift. How thoughtful.
I am happy to see that Don still does not have a secretary, this is wonderful news! I can't wait to reapply to the heads of Human resources at Sterling Cooper; Laura Schiff and Carrie Audino to be Don Draper's secretary.
Dutifully Yours,
The Perfect Secretary

THE ETIQUETTE TRAINING TEAM

2009-08-17T09:36:00.000-07:00

It is important in life to surround yourself with people who share your same values, otherwise you might just end up on the wrong side of the tracks. I for example only work with the best, the bees knees of behavioral science.
This is my wonderful Etiquette Training Team:

Etiquette Fat Cat Without a Dime (Executive Producer): Sabina Maschi, The Gift of the Gab (Producer/Writer) Jean Candiotte, Etiquette Supervisor (Producer/Director): Stevie Wong, Social Liaison: (Marketing) Anna Pizarro, Typographic Genius (Graphics): Jimmy Adams, Marvelous Tunes (Music) Oli Chang, Making it all look Swell (Editor): Alex Wilson, Beautifier (Make-Up): Melanie Minichino, With Special Thanks to Edwin Ho and Mike Jowett for outstanding hospitality!

A PLEDGE A DAY KEEPS THE RIFF RAFF IN YOU AWAY

2009-08-16T16:33:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of every work week I recite an Oath to keep me grounded. I highly recommend that all young secretaries do the same. It is the only way to keep you from getting into trouble at the office.
Instructions:
When feeling lost and confused remember the weekly pledge, and alter your behavior accordingly. Next week I will have a new pledge to keep you from going astray.
This presentation was cooked up as an hor doeuvre to the Etiquette Traning Series coming soon.

GETTING USED TO THIS BLOGGING BUSINESS

2009-08-16T15:41:00.000-07:00

While I am the creme de la creme in the hygiene department, technologically I am a generic supermarket pudding. A gentleman at Sterling Cooper Advertising Agency advised me to create this "blog" (a most unsavory word if you ask me) after I asked him: "How could I spread the gospel on hygiene, good manners and impeccable etiquette"? "Why create a blog" he said. And so here I am! Apparently I can do all kinds of things to beautify this page. And since aesthetics are of the utmost importance I am going to need a dapper gentleman who knows his way around such high tech business.